it was a very far morning

it was a very far morning,
on the dawning outskirts of the city,
in a scarred flat,
with absences left as traces on room doors,
the past had changed all the locks.

we had been toasting the emptiness all night,
but that's best done in company
and hurts less in summer,
when you can lie down to sleep or think
without the burden of heavy borrowed blankets.

we were doing drugs in a house
scarred by them.
That never failed to get to something inside of me,
something that was still budding,
as I was back then,
unable to fully appreciate the sorrowful traces
in a house filled with parental hurt and grief.

I stopped seeing those friends shortly afterwards,
but for a first summer I was sampling life
in a very different way, from a dirty hose.

Smoking in the balcony,
thinking how easy it would be to just go down.

Many years have since passed,
but that has stayed with me.

I wonder where are you now, guys.
I wonder where I am now.